"Kenapa mesti gini. kenapa mesti gitu. kenapa ga gini. kenapa ga gitu. kenapa harus ini. kenapa harus itu. gini kan bisa. gitu kan bisa. kenapa sih ni orang mikirnya gitu banget. ga bisa ya mikir lurusan sedikit. anjrit gw benci banget ama lo. kenapa ga bisa berempati ama orang dikit. ya gw sering kali digituin, kenapa kali ini gw yang gituin malah dimarain?! 4 jem men ama orang gw ga kenal siapa, sendiri, dikira ga stress apa?! Enak ya lo seenggaknya masi ada tempat buat cerita hari hari lo gimana. Kenapa jadi kaya gini? dulu kan ga kaya gini. kenapa jadi sepi? kenapa jadi sering nangis? kenapa ga bisa dewasa? kenapa mereka bisa gitu? kenapa gw ga bisa? kenapa pilihannya ini? kenapa ga itu? kenapa jadi misah? kenapa jadi mikir gini? kenapa orang orang jadi muna semua? kenapa jadi pada bermuka dua semua? kenapa gaada yang sedikit aja ga berubah? kenapa lo egois? kenapa lo ga syukurin hidup lo? sampe kapan lo kaya gini? kenapa semuanya harus berubah????"

3 days

Another countdown to another birthday. still don't know, should i be happy or not? 17 years old is sure old enough for me as i now see problems become more difficult to be solved than before when i was 12 years old. Still don't know, should i keep the thought of "the past's still much better" or change it into "lets look whats in front of you". Totally. this is like the most difficult question for me to answer. Past, you sure have known things that had been done in the past. but future, they're......unreachable, or should i say invisible and rather unpredictable.

I never wanted to get old. well, once, when i was a kid, when my mom forbid me to eat lots of ice cream and i thought "i want to be an adult so i can eat a lot of ice creams". Hello, i don't think I'm the one. now, i regret it, to get old, to be old, or whatever it is, it feels terrible.

i want to stay this way. as a teenager is all i want. i don't know. maybe this is temporary thought. but high school, friends, crushes, problems, they are irreplaceable.

so, its 3 days from now huh? excited for the party, yes! and presents, yes! gets older, NO!

sometimes, you need to say the truth

because sometimes,in one short story in your book of life, when you already know the end of the story, you know that its gonna hurt, you choose to end it now. now. when you just reach the median of the story. the middle page. you have no other choice. Although it hurts, but you know that it'll hurt you more at the end. you know that sorry wont be enough. but if you wait til the end, even tons of tears wont be enough.

sometimes, you'd rather say the meanest words you ever said, rather than stay silent but killing you (and other).

sometimes, although you're falling, your heart's broken, you feeling like nobody understand you, you feel super awful, life doesn't care. it keeps on going. you choose, whether to get up as soon as you can or stay crying out loud for the scars that for you , they're such a big deal, but for other people, its just a tiny little invisible scars.

but, keep it in your mind, that those scars you got from the past are another exams to be accomplished. make sure you got straight A+s

tearless night

i miss my dad. i miss the way he used to call me "I-R-A". i miss his big warm hug which was my absolute mood-booster. i miss the way he always tried to surprise me. i miss the way he always held me so close when we're going to took a photo. i miss the way he always called me to just asked what time did i arrived at home. i miss that Sunday morning when he always asked his family to had a breakfast at the Soto Semarang across the street. the way he mad at my style of fashion. that night when he asked me to accompany him to the bookstore because he know that i looove bookstores. the way he spoiled me but still teach me to be mature. that first night i went to the movie with my dad&else. i miss the time when he asked for a comment about the clothes he's about to buy, when i said "i think it doesn't fit you,dad", he still bought it anyway. that time, we're in melb, he bought 5 shoes, but none of them he wore to office. i miss it when he pulled me from the bed when i was planning for woke up late. i miss it when he acts like Monk, cant stand to see something not in the right angle.


that time when he suddenly came from bandung and arrived at home with 2 little puppies, he said it was for Piglet's company (the best surprise ever!). that time when he came home with a Snoopy pencil case he bought at the airplane because he didnt know what to buy, but he tried so hard to made his daughter smile. that time when he just came back playing golf , i was laying there at the sofa, and he was hiding behind the sofa and suddenly came out and pinched my cheeks (oh he LOVES my cheeks). that time when he came home and i always screamed "PAPAAAH PUYAANG!!" and always brought me Bobo's newest one and some croissants. that night when he arrived late at night and found his daughter's sleeping already and he pulled the blanket and kissed my cheek. that morning when he tried the new bike he won at the yard.

that night when we're arguing about the design faculty im about to take, he disagreed, he thought i'll have no future, i was trying so hard to prove that i wont. that night when he finally accepted it and gave me permission to apply to RMIT with my IGCSE certificate. i havent told him yet that i was accepted. and that night, 14th of October, he came back from Singapore for a check-up, he bought me Dan Brown's Lost Symbol, i ever mumbled about that book, that i wanted it so bad, i didn't expect that he'll pay attention to my mumbles. he bought me that book, and Garfield's key chain, he said those were just souvenirs, but then it turned out that it was his last birthday gift for me. 18th of October, i found him breathless.

i miss him so bad nobody could explain. you might think that I'm just being over. well, my dad loves his family more that he loves himself. he thought that his family's his world. he knew that his family will never let him down or leave him. and he's right. we'll never leave him, even now when he's not even here anymore. but he's still here somehow.

no matter how bad your dad is, he's your dad, he takes a really good care for you in a silent way. no matter how selfish or stubborn he's, he still loves you . and love, sometimes, doesn't have to be told. love acts. in a different way we sometimes don't understand

lazy sunday post

so here i am on my holidays. finally! had lots and lots of plans with my friends but none of them have been done. am being such a lazy pig late these days. i sleep til noon, lunch, watch TV, hanging out with such a lovely friends. but hey, i deserve it. one month of Cambridge International Examination's enough to kill me.

and also am going to go for a trip with my mom early July. nope, am not going to tell you the destination. but I'll give some clues. this place im going to go, it's really unique for me. their language and their fashion and their people. also, im such a freak fans of their foods.

they have both Disneyland and Universal Studio, but hey, am traveling with my mom so no way am going to ride a roller coaster. and they're damn so professional on gadgets, robots and things like 'em.

am going to be off for about 8 days. so, dont think you guys 're going to miss me, but i'll miss you :3

have a blast holidays, freaks!

no one will understand you except yourself

sometimes you wake up

sometimes the fall kills you

and

sometimes when you fall,

you fly

-neilGaiman

i'll let it all out

satu waktu. saat gw duduk di mobil. gatau mau kemana. dan tiba tiba otak ini mengeluarkan memori memori tahun lalu yang...yah bisa dibilang nyelekit dihati. yang bikin gw sendiri mikir "wow!gila! ternyata gw bisa sekuat itu juga". jarak event event yang sangat amat amat menyenangkan dan yang sangat amat amat menyedihkan itu berdempetan sekali kalau diingat.

saat dimana kakak gw menemukan pasangan hidupnya, dimana gw ngeliat keluarga gw semua nangis bahagia. dimana gw tau, bahagianya hidup gw sekarang yaAllah.

dan

saat dimana gw kehilangan sosok yang sangat amat amat gw kagumi. kehilangan sosok yang menurut gw tersempurna yang pernah gw kenal. dan ini diakui oleh banyak orang. inilah saat dimana gw tau, hidup gw akan berubah, TOTAL.

kehilangan seorang ayah yang gw fikir gw bisa meluk dia saat dia menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya.yang gw pikir gw bisa denger kata kata "papa sayang ira" untuk terakhir kali nya. but God didn't allow me to had those moments.

dan ya saat itu, flashback kehidupan gw bersama papa 16 tahun langsung terputar lagi semua di otak. gimana manjanya gw dulu. gimana ga bersyukurnya gw dulu. dan gimana papa sayang banget sama keluarganya.

mencoba buat berfikir positif karena kehilangan, i got another flashback. satu malem, abis solat, gw doa, minta tolong sama Yang DiAtas supaya dibantuin jadi dewasa dan mandiri. beberapa bulan kemudian, Yang Maha Esa manggil papa. oh well, mungkin ini jawaban dari Yang DiAtas dan mungkin satu satunya cara supaya gw bisa dewasa. gw terima.

dan berhasil. gw ngerasain betapa berubahnya gw sekarang. gw ngerasa lebih bersyukur dan lebih punya rasa empati ke orang orang.

emang sih ampe sekarang gw masi sering mikir "coba kalo papa masi disini...coba kalo papa ada...bla bla bla".

but Someone said to me that my dad's watching me now, and i know he's right. he is.

satu pesan.
bersyukur ya orang tuanya masih lengkap. :)


maaf atas ke-menye-an posting gw kali ini. kangennya ga ketahan banget.

better with(out) you

you probably dont need to read this

i think i screw everything up. i feel like I'm in a really BIG mess right now. i say nothing but mumbles. i do nothing but sleep like a fat grandma. i feel nothing but useless. I TOTALLY HATE THIS SITUATION I GOT HERE! HELP!!!!

YES! i DO need help!

i even made my BESTfriend hates me! who am i?

EERGH! i need to find myself a psychiatrist! immediately! NOW!




inhale....






exhale....

so little time

pardon me. im in a very busy situation here. AS LEVEL EXAMINATION. yet again, i'll get murdered by papers. different with IGCSE, AS LEVEL is such a disaster! i mean it. well, i found my hair starts to suicide, they jump from my head to the floor, or shoulder, it IS high for a hair-_____-

So! wish me luck, wont you?

unconciously,
ALMIRA

random thoughts

sometimes, in a really unpredictable time, i could think about some words. words that i really want to write it here, to the public. to let them know about what I feel. but just in snap, by a just a little disturbance, i forgot about it. sucks i know.

I, personally, really want to write a book. a book about what i feel. because nowadays i feel like nobody (NOBODY!) understand me. and now, i just realized that NOBODY will ever ever (EVER!) understand you, except yourself! and i think by writing, or typing about what i feel and make it into one book will make me , well, better. but pardon me, i am NOT a good writer. I'm a terrible writer. but I'll let you guys know what i feel right now, what i want you guys to learn from me, and also why you shouldn't read my blog (kidding!).

1. ........ *okay maybe putting numbers like having an answer sheet here is not a good idea. I'll start just with a paragraph. the smooth one. yes, that will be very very nice*

okay. LIFE. EL-AI-EF-EE. maybe im just too young to talk about this. but HEY! *im turning 17 this year! * everybody have their own chance to talk about their opinion about their life!.

lets start. life for me is like a journey, bla bla bla blaaaahhh......................... lets think out of the box. life is a simple "walk". a reeaaallly simple one. why should we make it so damn complicated? let me listed those things that we need to have for this simple "walk" called LIFE:
*lets start with that number thingy*

1. make sure you have your "legs" in a fit condition. make sure its strong enough to "bring" you everywhere you need to "go"
   
2. get your right clothes on! no, don't wear hot pants and tanks when you're going to "walk" through the "mountains". and no, don't wear leather jacket, woolen-long-warm pants when you're going to "walk" through the "deserts".
3. and the last but not least. keep your feet on the track, please. i remind you. go beyond the boundaries? not a good idea, thanks

you guys got what i mean? well. lets me explain those lists to you
*here we go again*

1. what i mean by legs are you mind, soul, body that will support your self to get through this life. if you have one of those things in a bad condition, take a break of life. get a vacation. so you could make it balance.
   
2. what i mean by this sentence is to know where you are actually and make sure you adapted to that environment nicely. know where you are, know what should and shouldn't you say, know you dressed nicely.
   
3. *another* what i mean by that sentence is, keep being yourself.keep on believing things on the way you think. keep on the good things. stay away from the bad.

yeap. just those things. just be your self. just take everything easy, enjoy. i believe you'll get the best in life.

and why do i talk about life once again?! mpppfff...

im trying to move on
i know i can
but something
really unexpected not even visible
it comes
and it shakes every step i take

please.move on.:')

im talking to myself

i'd like to compare life as a journey. yeah it IS a journey. but for me its more like a car journey. you have points of interest to be visited which are your goals There are lot of things to be passed for you to reach your destinations. it ain't easy.trust me. lots of traffic jams, drivers who drives you mad. and each represents things that will blocked your ways. the harder the obstacles are, the more graceful you will be when you reach you goals.