Sometimes, i really wanna go free and make my self more mature. sometimes, i really wanna go and get my dreams. But what should i do? im still my daddy's little girl. i still cry. cry a lot. i still have my mom shouted at me when i do wrong. how could i know if now im ready to go and get my dream? how could i know?

because i never ready to find my self alone and miss everybody who usually always beside me everyday, every second. i never ready to face the real world. i never ready to cry, cry because my own stupidity.

because i never could open up my self. i really want to but nobody there to help me.

if u ask what is this about? well, i cant answer. i just wanna write what i think now. im not crying, relax.



just one question appear on my mind late these days. "are you sure you ready for it, ira?" and i never get the answer.

high school things arent like what i expected back 2 years ago. i never thought of my future yet. but now, just like in a snap, i have to decide. when i have decide, i have to be sure. and the problem, i still dont know.

teenagers things, yeah i know it is. i'll grab a bunch of book, i'll talk to thousands of people about my questions, conclusion?nobody answer. its all up to myself. hard.

no school teach you to be ready for the world. and i hate that.

i hate this time right here. when i dont even know what i wrote.

i want to. i want to see the world. and ready or not, i have to be ready. and guess what? i will!

i dont know what's the title of this post but i just wanna make it long enough to make you confuse which one is the post and which one is the title:)

-so,Ira,hows life?

well. life goes on just like the ordinary day. still breathing. still have to learn how "beautiful" chemistry is. and the good news is we're in Ramadhan month already. yeah, i admit that fasting is kinda torturing. but it makes my weigh decrease 2 kg. not so bad huuh? can't wait for the holiday!;D

-any new news?surprise us!

have i told you that i have a new haircut? yeah i call this supershort one. because, yes it IS short for me. my mom and some of my friends told me that my new haircut's cute. but sometimes i feel like a news reader. yeah. cute.

yeah short huh? my mom forced me to cut it. no i didn't cry. but i love it. now i am able to mess my hair up!.

-its a nice one,btw. hows ur IGCSE result?

well, my IGCSE results' fortunately not THAT bad. i was expecting that I'll get one "U" or even more for the scores. but it didn't appear like what i expected. 3 Cs, 1 D, and 1 E. and yes, E for chemistry and its not a surprise for me. FYI , score C here isn't that bad,either. My mom ,dad and my sist said that "ohmygod you got a lot of C.no B and A at all?" i hate that actually. C here are still a good score internationally. at least, i still could go to design school (amien for that). and yeah. thats all. request, please no more questions about IGCSE thanks.

-well,okay. so what do you do nowadays?

humm.. i dont do a lot of things. i do fasting, studying. well i don't know , i feel like i just love to study later this day (chemistry included). but what a lame, i love to study when i already passed the IGCSE exam. where did the love-to-study thing go when i have my IGCSE exam? mpff -.-

-i hear you have a lot of mumbles at chemistry. why is that?

well, maybe i never wrote this at my blog but yes, i hate chemistry. i just dont know why. everytime i try to learn it, whoaaaaa i got a sleep-attack. ga bisa konsen intinya. complicated huh? yeah. i dont think im a perfect match for Science class. i know. i am now in a science class.

-could see that. so, anything else?

oohyeah. i feel so sleepy,btw. so, thanks for the questions. will talk to you later. goodnight. :)

.LIFE GOES TOO FAST.
.could you slow it down for me?.

i love us :")

Cause i swear it's you
I swear it's you
I swear it's you that I've waited for
I swear it's you
I swear it's you
I swear it's you that my heart beats for
And it isn't gonna stop
No it just won't stop

(OneRepublic-Won't Stop)

jati diri?

kill kill time

well i found this at Thia's blog. sorry for repost this. just to kill time.teehee;D


Here it goes:
01. Bought everyone in the bar/cafe a drink/food
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (Java & Sumatera)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candle light dinner with someone
08. Said "I love you" and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched the snow
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten celebration with champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked a stranger out
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Made a goal in a football game or a slam dunk in a basketball game
36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all islands in Indonesia
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Taken a backpack trip
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theatre
66. Visited thae Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played DVD/video for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo temporary or not
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"
83. Gotten flowers from someone for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Packed up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on a photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period
123. Visited more foreign countries than Indonesian cities
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailing
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author/book who you missed in school days, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospital care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

oh baby! if you just know it

karena dunia ini akan terus berputar
dan aku akan terus termenung menapaki tanah
mengajarkan diri ini bagaimana cara bernafas dengan benar
dan bagaimana cara menangis dengan tidak mengeluarkan air mata

karena aku tidak dapat menyentuh matahari
dan aku tidak dapat membelai bulan
walau memang aku ingin sekali
tak ada tangga yang mampu mengantarkan ku ke atas sana
bisa kah kau carikan untukku?

karena setiap aku menilik
jiwa itu selalu ada
menulis ini pun rasanya teriris
mengingat jiwa itu mendapat tekanan untuk pergi
sedangkan aku tersemen di tempat ini
tolong! jangan pergi
aku meringis!

karena aku tahu dunia ini terlalu hitam putih
terlalu hitam?
atau mungkin terlalu putih?

just got back from tanjung lesung last sunday. and i adore that place freakingly. and ,sure, for you guys who want to know do my skin still look as bright as usual, the answer is "HELL NO". yeah because i got a sunburned especially at my shoulder. fool me, i used tank on the way to pulau peucang which means 3 hours under the sun. but just ignore the skin! we really had our fun there! :D

the cottage that we spent a night at tanjung lesung was so cozy, we had our own private pool at the cottage and at the first night we play Marcopolo at the pool. and i got some blue bruised at my knees and it hurts ;D the next day we went to pulau peucang and we spent a night ,not at a cottage, but at a tent. a big one. its the first time for me to stay at a tent and i love it. except for the part that actually at the midnight there was a SNAKE (yes, S.N.A.K.E) circled our tent. and my teacher just told me and my friends today. yeah, what a BIG SURPRISE! maybe the snake knew that there's a girl at the tent who has an enormous phobia at it species. thanks God it didnt come into the tent and pass through me.im so dead if it was.

we did snorkeling ,which was so fun and a little walking at the forest. the sea water's still clear. and if you compare it with the water at ancol, it actually not the proper comparator. too far i guess. and yes, we dont see any one take a bath at the sea.

even though we got darkened after the thematic-project trip. we DO want to go back there. still need more time there. but please, NO SNAKE INVITED thanks.

photos are coming right up. school's still hard HARD! and im still a freak at chemistry as usual. i'll tell you as soon as possible when i've got smarter at chemistry:D

we jump, we shout . and we owned the sea