3 days

Another countdown to another birthday. still don't know, should i be happy or not? 17 years old is sure old enough for me as i now see problems become more difficult to be solved than before when i was 12 years old. Still don't know, should i keep the thought of "the past's still much better" or change it into "lets look whats in front of you". Totally. this is like the most difficult question for me to answer. Past, you sure have known things that had been done in the past. but future, they're......unreachable, or should i say invisible and rather unpredictable.

I never wanted to get old. well, once, when i was a kid, when my mom forbid me to eat lots of ice cream and i thought "i want to be an adult so i can eat a lot of ice creams". Hello, i don't think I'm the one. now, i regret it, to get old, to be old, or whatever it is, it feels terrible.

i want to stay this way. as a teenager is all i want. i don't know. maybe this is temporary thought. but high school, friends, crushes, problems, they are irreplaceable.

so, its 3 days from now huh? excited for the party, yes! and presents, yes! gets older, NO!

sometimes, you need to say the truth

because sometimes,in one short story in your book of life, when you already know the end of the story, you know that its gonna hurt, you choose to end it now. now. when you just reach the median of the story. the middle page. you have no other choice. Although it hurts, but you know that it'll hurt you more at the end. you know that sorry wont be enough. but if you wait til the end, even tons of tears wont be enough.

sometimes, you'd rather say the meanest words you ever said, rather than stay silent but killing you (and other).

sometimes, although you're falling, your heart's broken, you feeling like nobody understand you, you feel super awful, life doesn't care. it keeps on going. you choose, whether to get up as soon as you can or stay crying out loud for the scars that for you , they're such a big deal, but for other people, its just a tiny little invisible scars.

but, keep it in your mind, that those scars you got from the past are another exams to be accomplished. make sure you got straight A+s